Big Decisions

There are so many big decisions as motherhood is on the horizon. The nursery wall color, which glider to purchase, disposable diapers vs cloth, and the enormous question: to work or not to work? This question has been on my mind (a bit far back there) for years. Growing up, I responded to the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question alternatively with "a teacher" and "a mom", and by mom, I meant a stay at home mom. It was what I knew, and what I respected, and what I wanted. And then, I grew up, and I started my career. I taught long hours, I built up my resume, I completed my masters degree...all so I could be a better, more well established, and more successful teacher, and career woman. I started to scoff a bit at those stay at home moms, while internally battling with my future decision. What would I do, now, knowing and doing what I do now? What would my co-workers think of me? What would my stay at home friends think of me? What do I want and how do I feel about this momentous decision?

And here we are. At the crossroads, and a necessary decision needed. Through God's great plan, and some maneuvering and begging on my part, and the delicate and momentary good mood of the Human Resources department, I am undertaking neither path. I won't work or stay at home full time, and so it is funny to realize the decision I vacillated between for so long isn't even what I am choosing.

But God's plan--although sometimes hard to understand and definitely difficult to wait upon--is good. I am embarking on a new journey, one as a part time teacher and part time stay at home mom. I am thrilled, and sad, and excited, and scared. We realized I do in fact need to work, and so the full time stay at home option wasn't in fact an option at all. But, I couldn't bring myself to abandon that long term dream. And so we are here. I am feeling very good about the change, but it is hard to know what the future will be like, so naturally I have fears at well. Will I like it? Can I handle it? Will I miss my baby? Will I miss my job? I know I'll cry the first day back and be stressed about breastfeeding at work, but I know I'll enjoy adult interaction and the feeling of doing something to benefit others.

This article encouraged my spirit today and made me feel as though I am making the best decision for our family. I'm so thankful for this part time opportunity.

What If the Best Years of Your Life...Just Aren't?